


Heart to Heart

by Dystopian_Dramaqueen



Category: The Handmaid's Tale (TV), The Handmaid's Tale - Margaret Atwood
Genre: F/M, S2 E10 Fix it Fic, What if Nick told Eden the truth
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-03
Updated: 2019-08-03
Packaged: 2020-07-30 09:36:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,202
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20095144
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dystopian_Dramaqueen/pseuds/Dystopian_Dramaqueen
Summary: In S2 E10 of The Handmaid's Tale, Nick sees Eden and Issac kissing in the garden.Eden begs Nick for honesty. Asking him if he loves her. If he loves the handmaid.What if he had been honest?





	Heart to Heart

Still no light from June’s window. Nothing. Just darkness.

_ Something’s wrong. Where the fuck is she. _

Nick flicks his lighter closed for the hundredth time that hour. An old nervous tic of his. His fingers automatically light it up again. Letting the flame burn for a second before flicking the zippo closed with finality. 

He stands, grabbing his cigarettes and heading outside. The screen door bangs shut behind him. He lights up, drawing air through the cigarette, leaning on the railing outside his apartment as the nicotine floods his veins.

He exhales slowly, smoke rising in the fall air. 

He raises his eyes as he takes another deep drag.

He sees movement in the garden. By the time he releases the next cloud of smoke, it’s clear who it is.

Eden. Kissing Issac, their new guardian. He has to fight a smile.

_ Good for her. _

But Eden’s spotted him. She’s running toward the apartment.

_ Shit. _

Nick drops his cigarette to the cement below. Heading inside. Not looking forward to the shit show headed his way. This was going to be their worst interaction yet. She has no idea that him ignoring her was the best life she was going to get. The best he could give her. He could never love her. Could never be what she wanted. God it was such a fucking mess. 

Nick takes off his coat and watch. He turns to find Eden kneeling in tears. Reciting scripture that always precedes beatings. 

He shakes his head. Trying to comfort her. “It’s ok. You’re not in trouble.” He goes to get a glass of water. 

Then, amidst the teenage hysterics that he was completely unqualified to handle- was an accusation that made his blood run cold. 

“It’s the handmaid. You like her. Why do you like her?”

_ Fuck. _

He turns, falling instinctively into his mask. His role. Lying. Always lying. 

“You’re not making any sense.”

Eden steps in front of him. Her first act of bravery since she’d arrived. 

“Just tell me.” She begs, eyes searching his. 

He’d already thought of the perfect response. The truth. An affair with a handmaid would be impossible. It’s suicide. She’d understand that. It would shut down this line of questioning. Buy him some time. But he felt sick even thinking it. It would be gas lighting. Denying the truth. Making her feel crazy. Making her doubt herself.

But seeing her tiny frame quivering with intensity awakens something in him.

He wonders if- just this once- he could be honest with her. Just tell her. Tell her the fucking truth.

His survival instinct protests loudly.

But some tiny voice of optimism continues arguing for honesty.

He decides to at least test the waters. It would be his word against hers anyway, if she accused him of anything. Fred would side with him. And he’d seen her and Issac. He had that leverage. He held all the cards here. 

He clears his throat. “Come here.” He sits on the windowseat and gestures beside him. 

Eden kneels at his feet. Tears in her eyes. 

Nick shakes his head. “No. _Sit_ here. With me. Please.”

Eden looks uncertain, but does as he’s ordered. 

Nick swallows. Unsure how to start. Unsure how to talk about something forbidden. _15\. She’s 15. Gilead was founded 5 years ago. She was 10. Does she remember anything from before? _

“Did you…. have a boyfriend before?”

Eden’s eyes find his. Terrified. Like a trapped animal. His blood runs cold. He’d seen that look on so many faces during his training. Interrogation victims the moment they realize where they are, that anything they say will lead to death. 

He puts his hand on hers, reassuringly.

She softens. Trembling, but listening. 

“It’s ok. I won’t tell anyone.”

She shakes her head. 

“Did you know anyone who did?”

She nods. “My sister.” she whispers.

Nick nods. Glad. He’s found an in to this forbidden conversation. She’s dropping her act too. 

“How old was your sister?” 

“Seventeen. I was ten.”

Nick smiles. “Yeah. I’m 35. I remember before too.”

Eden looks into his eyes. Less afraid now. Listening.

Nick continues. “We used to date. Before. Do you know what that is?”

Eden nods. “Spending time with someone you like. Before you get married.”

Nick nods, smiling. 

Eden continues. “My mom told me about how she knew my dad was the one. Because he loved kissing her on dates. He couldn’t get enough. He’d do it any chance he got.” 

Nick nods. “I think God wants us to be happy.”

Eden looks at him. “Us?”

“People. Humans.” He corrects. “That’s why he made so many of us. But it’s our job to find the one that’s meant for us.”

Eden nods, blinking through tears. “Do you love someone else?”

Nick steels himself. She's been so honest. It's his turn. He nods. 

The well in Eden’s eyes finally overflows. Tears spill down her cheeks. “Is it the handmaid?”

Nick swallows. Nodding. 

Eden’s lip trembles. “You don’t love me?”

Nick shakes his head. “You’re gonna make someone so happy, Eden. You’re amazing.”

He wipes her tears away with his thumb, smiling kindly. 

“Such a good cook. And look what you did with this place. I've lived here 5 years and it never looked this good."

Eden smiles, comforted by the praise she’d expected weeks ago. 

Nick continues. "I’m too old for you. You need someone your own age. Someone YOU choose. Someone who loves you too.”

She holds his gaze. Nodding. “Like my mom and dad.”

Nick smiles. “Yeah.”

Nick continues. “Do you like Issac?”

  
She nods. 

“Was that your first kiss?”

She laughs and wipes her tears. Nodding. 

Nick smiles, nodding. 

“You’re not gonna punish me?”

Nick shakes his head. “I’m happy for you.”

“You should. You’re supposed to.”

“This is our home. We do things differently here.”

Nick stands, grabbing his coat, cigarettes and book. He gives Eden a kiss on the head. “Stay here.”

He heads down the stairs, pulling his coat on. He strides over to the garden gate. Issac stands at full attention on the other side. Barely breathing.

Nick holds a cigarette out between the bars. 

Issac remains frozen. Finally after a long moment he replies, voice tight. “Thank you, Sir. I don’t smoke.”

Nick shrugs, withdrawing his hand from between the iron bars. “Walk with me.”

Issac opens the gate, following close behind Nick. Nick stops in the shadow of the garage, leaning against the brick wall. Lighting the cigarette for himself. Taking a deep drag, holding it and exhaling.

Nick holds Issac’s gaze. Again fighting a smile. He nods up at his apartment. “She’s waiting for you.”

Issac searches Nick’s face. Certain it’s a trap.

Nick smiles inwardly. _ Good instincts, kid. _

Nick holds up his paperback. “I’ll keep an eye out. You’ve got an hour.”

Issac remains frozen. Nick claps him on the shoulder, smiling gently. “Don’t hurt her. She really likes you.”

Issac narrows his eyes, looking up at the apartment. Finally nodding. Huffing out a laugh.

He hugs Nick, who claps him on the back. They nod and Issac climbs the stairs quickly.

After he’s inside, Nick settles on the bottom step. Looking up at June’s dark window again. 

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you to Fleurdelivres (tumblr) for the prompt!!!!  
This was so beautiful and cathartic to write.  
I wish it had gone this way. <3


End file.
